Sometimes You Gotta Get Super Drunk And Steal A Lemur From The Zoo

NY Post - An accused lemur schemer is coming clean.

The fight for preserving endangered animals scored a major victory when a 19-year-old California man agreed to plead guilty to stealing a rare lemur from a zoo last year.

Aquinas Kasbar admitted in a plea agreement to swiping Isaac — a 32-year-old ring-tailed lemur — from the Santa Ana Zoo last July, according to the Department of Justice.

The night of the animal’s abduction, Kasbar snuck into the zoo after hours and used a bolt cutter to create an opening in the lemur’s enclosure.

In the process, Capuchin monkeys escaped from the same cage and had to be recovered by zoo staffers, the DOJ stated in a press release.

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Hey, it happens. And it’s about time the authorities realized it. Sometimes people get mega drunk, probably extremely stoned as well, break into the zoo, use bolt cutters on rare lemur’s enclosure, and let some wild Capuchin monkeys run free in the process. Let he who hast not done all of the above cast the first stone. And if you really, truly haven’t, then much like Smash Mouth once sang, you have a finger and a thumb in the shape of an L on your forehead.

So of course he is pleading guilty. Because what judge will look this man in the eyes

and tell him he did anything wrong?

Exactly.

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PS: They said he entered a plea deal. If I know faces like I think I know faces, that guy is a big “don’t you know who my dad is?” guy. His dad for sure has in in-house council taking the prosecutor out to a steak dinner in exchange for 15 hours of community service and 1 year probation. He’ll be back drinking in his boat shoes and pink shorts in no time.